雅思作文常考话题，对同学们的习作进行修改，目的在于帮助大家发现自己的作文问题并提升表达。想知道自己作文问题出在哪里吗？想了解怎么提升自己的表达写好作文吗？
　　An increasing number of people are now using the internet to meet new people and socialize. Some people think this has brought people closer together while others think people are becoming more isolated.
　　Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
　　初始版本
　　学生习作，认为网络使人更遥远：
　　On the contrary, from my perspective, there are more loneliness and isolation of people because with less face-to-face communication, the social skills of people are declining and they also tend to ignore those who are around them.Because they spend more time on the Internet, there will be less time for them to interact with people in reality. Instead, they prefer to concentrate on the virtual world on the Internet which requires less social skills.Absorbed in Internet constantlywill cause a psychological frustration to the real world. Thus, people may become more addicted to virtual world on the Internet and lose interaction skills with people in reality gradually.Then lack of face-to-face communication with people around them may make them feel lonely and isolated.
　　升级版本
　　On the contrary, from my perspective, the sense of loneliness and isolationis spreading prevalentlydue to the use of the Internet. This is mainly because people spendtoo much time online and tend to ignore those around them, and this surely leadsto a gradual loss of social skills. For instance, people may become less confident inface-to-face interaction, especially in the use of facial expressions and body language, as they only need to type words or send voice messages online. They may prefer to socialize in the virtual world which requires fewer interpersonal skillsrather than focuson the communication with real people in order to avoid the psychological frustrationin the real world. Therefore, avicious cyclecan be formed and people feel lonelier and more isolated than before.
　　1. more loneliness and isolation of people搭配不当
　　2. 相同表达的替换
　　3. absorbed过去分词不能做主语
　　4. virtual world on the Internet意思重复
　　5. 句子调整和升级
　　范文版本
　　However, some critics argue that life on the net contributes to an incomplete lifestyle that withdraws people from the full range of in-person contactand by getting them soengulfed inonline simulacra,disconnects them fromtheir families, friends and communities. The growth of online connections leads to the displacement ofsocial activities and isat the expense ofoffline relationships as the time people spend online is unavailable for other activities, causing objective isolation. Meanwhile, subjective isolation emerges when internet users replace strong face-to-face ties with weak online ties because websites facilitate people tomask themselvestoavoid harsh realitiesand make it easier to stay in touch while keeping distance. In a sense, the depth of social relationships is traded forbreadth and the superficial friendship they have can never satisfy their craving forgenuine intimacy.
　　高分表达
　　1.full range of in-person contact
　　全方位的真人接触
　　2.engulfed in
　　淹没在...中
　　3.disconnect … from
　　从...断开联系
　　4.displacement of
　　代替
　　5.at the expense of
　　作为代价
　　6.facilitate...to…
　　方便做某事
　　7.avoid harsh realities
　　逃避残酷现实
　　8.be traded for
　　被交易